Thoughts

Have you ever feel that you have lots of things running in your mind,

You want to share your thoughts that had been running through your minds all this time,

And you actually have choose who you want to share it with,

But when you meet the person,

The words suddenly stuck,

You just cant find the words to say,

You just doesnt know how to say it,

Million things runs through your mind but when you've found the right person to share it with,

Everything suddenly just can pass through your throat. It stuck in there.

So at the end, you just keep it to yourself though you were jumping inside wanted to say it out loud. 

I've go through those kind moment all this time.

I wasnt in the mood,

Depressed, lonely, sad...

I want to share my feelings and thought with someone,

But when I met them, the words just can't get out of my mouth.

I just cant find the words.

So it ended up me either just ease myself by crying before I go to sleep, cry reading loves novel, or watch sad videos, movies, or drama. Or maybe write it down somewhere and then delete it. 

Hope everyone is doing fine.

Everything I do remind me of him.

I really miss him and the things that we have between us.

Lots of memories that still stick in my mind.

I miss you. Hmmm

Anyways, have a nice day ahead. Take care. Salam.

Adios! *waving hands*

Dad

To be honest, saying the word 'Dad' or 'Ayah' isnt something that I'm comfortable to say. It feels abit awkward whenever I say it. I was raised by my mom and my siblings. I lost my father when I was 2 years old. So basically, I dont say the word 'Ayah' or 'Dad' at all. Nope. I dont even know or remember how my dad looks like. We do have 3 picture of him. Yes. Only 3

As far as I know, my dad is not picture person. He doesnt like people's taking a picture of him. The picture that we had were the picture for his passport and one picture while he was sitting down on the floor during our visit to his hometown in Malacca. The last picture is the picture during my Cukur Jambul. He was holding me while a man/woman was cutting a little of my hair as a symbolic for the ceremony. 

Words cant describe how much I miss you Ayah. I wish I have a longer time to be with you. So that you can see me growing up and becoming one of the daughter that you proud of. I want you to play with me, see me laughing when you tickles me, when you tell us your jokes. I want to listen to your voice, how you talk, how your voice sound when you're angry. I want to see your smile, your laugh, your tears, your everything Ayah. I want to feel your love abit more longer Ayah. I want you to be the one that will be my Wali, the one that will be Nikahkan your last daughter. I want you to meet your beautiful grandchildren and play with them. 

Ayah, are you proud be have a daughter like me? Do you love me Ayah? I love you so much. I miss you so much. I cried sometime in the middle of the night, before I go to bed because I miss you. I wish your here Ayah. Happy Father's Day Ayah. I remember you everyday Ayah. You're always in my head and heart. You have a special place in my heart. You're always in my Dua. 

I miss you. 2 years being with you is not enough for me. But Allah love you more. Redha. Love you Ayah. 

The End of My Work-life

Gahhh... Time flies fast day by day. I felt like I've just start doing my practical in the company but the truth is, I've almost reach to the end. Few more days and everything will end forever. Will I miss these people? Will I miss this place where I learn alot of things about being in the work-life? The truth is, I dont know whether I'll miss this place.

One thing I know, I'm not suitable to work under someone. I'm more suitable to be the boss instead of worker. Why? Cause the main problem I faced throughout this journey is I always failed to wake up early in the morning. If you're the boss, you can come to the office anytime you want. I always ended up being late to work. That's what I hate to do. Every single day I'll be late. But sometimes I managed to wake up early but the traffic just slow me back. Gahhh, I need a driver. Can you be my driver baby? Kehkehkeh

I've cried in this office before. But I managed to slightly hold my tears. My mood was all over the place that day. Me and my fellow internship friends were filling some document together. As usual, before starting writing all the important stuff such the name of company, the owner's name and etc, we'll look for the original copy or maybe the previous copied document about the company in it's rack. So one of them cant find it. He asked my supervisor just in case if he took it. With his annoying voice, He said no and out of nowhere, starting to blame me for not putting the things in its place. I was like "what the hell is his problem?" I was just really mad at the time. So, I pulled out my angry face and started to search for it. I didn't ever laugh, smile or make any happy expression. Even if they make a joke at the moment, I wont be laughing or even smiling. I was really pissed. While searching for the thing, alittle tears burst out. I cried silently. I hide my face from others while searching for the things. I'm the one that found it. So, I just hand-in the thing to my friend without a smile and walk back to my place. I became really silent that day. I force to smile if people's smiling at me. 

People in the office are friendly and nice, including my internship friend. They're really helpful. They gave some tips and help us with our reports and our internship journal. They even kept previous internship student's reports who did their internship at the company and show it to us just as a guide on how to write our reports. 

It's such a blessed to be working with these people. Alhamdulillah. Till we meet again InshaAllah :)

Assalamualaikum

9/3/2014

Assalamualaikum and hello my dear and loyal reader. Itu pun kalau ada yg sudi baca blog aku yg hambar ni. Kahkah. So apa mcm korg semua? Sihat? Akak harap pembaca-pembaca akak sihat la ye. Akak alhamdulillah sihat. Hari2 naik turun tangga nk ke opis. Opis tingkat 3 pulak tu. Tu yg hari2 dok pikir nk ambik cuti je. Hahahah.

Haritu birthday akak tau. Maka dgn ni, akak dh officially 20 tahun. Uwaaa, dh tua dh akak. Excited gila kot dok menunggu wish dari kwn. Nak tgk, siapa ingat birthday aku. Maxis sengaja hntr wish birthday awal sebab nk tunjuk dia sweet la kekonan jadi org pertama wish birthday akak. Puiii. Dia ckp "sebagai pelanggan kami yg setia, anda akn dpt panggilan percuma ke nombor maxis shja." Haiya maxis, patutnya bagi la free iPhone 5s warna gold kat akak. Barulah akak semangat nk guna line awak hari2. Hahahaha. Tp takpa la na. Thanks la maxis sebab bagi akak call sahabat2 akak yg masih guna maxis yg duk belajar jauh sana. Terubat la rindu ni kat depa. 

Nothing special happen during my birthday. Ucapan yg paling sweet yg pernah akak dpt adalah dari abang akak. For the first time, dia ckp luv you always my little sister. Hampir bergelinang air mata akak membaca. Nasib akak pro kawal emosi. So airmata tu sedut balik. Hahaha. I always love you my brother. Engkaulah teman aku bergaduh, teman aku bergosip masa tnggu org nk beli nasi lemak, teman gelak. Walaupun kau nmpk je mcm tough, tp dlm hati ada taman. Adik berdoa semoga hang cepat kawin. Kawan2 I byk yg single. Nk kenal dgn diorg tak? Hahahaahhahhaa. Abis la kalau abg aku kawin dgn kawan aku. Adventure terus hidup aku. Hahahaha

Thanks to those who wishes my birthday. Akak kongsi tarikh lahir sama dgn sedara akak tau. It's a blessed to share the same birthday with her. Walaupun dia tua setahun dari aku, we are basically have the same perangai, akak agaklah. Tang mana yg sama tu jgn tnya na. Sebab akak xde jwpan. Hahahaha...

Akak dok tunggu jugak wish dari kawan akak yg sorg tu. Tp hampa hatiku. Mungkin dia dh lupakan akak kot. Ye la. Skrg masing2 dah jauh, dpt pulak kawan baru yg lebih mature, lebih hebat, lebih cantik. lebih awesome dari akak. So, akak ni diletak tepi. Hanya perlukan akak bila dlm susah. Akak ni perangai kekadang mengalahkan budak kecik. Akak pun bukannya lawa pun. Dah la gemuk. So, tak famous la sesapa yg kawan dgn akak ni. Tetiba drama hindustan pulak. Hahahaha. Abang and kakak akak selalu marah kat akak sebab dok lagi melayan org mcm tu. Ikutkan kata depa tu. Bila nk minta tlg, aku tlg. Kalau xde, buat aku ni tak wujud. Tp entah, akak rasa biar le org buat akak. Bukan apa, malas nk serabutkan otak. Tp last2 serabut gak. Dan akhirnya akan menangis. Haih akak ni emosi tak setabil sikit. Lulz. 

Kwn sekolah akak pulak baru sahaja melahirkan anak. Uuuuuuuu..... Comel betul anak dia. Ni yg buat akak tak sabar nk kawin and dpt anak. Mesti anak akak pun comel nnti. Hahahaha. Habiskan belajar tu dulu Mira. Bak kata mak akak "jodoh tu takyah dicari. Dia akan dtg dgn sendiri. Kekadang jodoh hang tu dh ada depan mata tp hang tak nmpk je. Yg penting skrg, abiskan belajar tu dulu." Mcm doktor cinta pulak mak akak ni. Hahaha.

Itu je la cerita kita harini. Nanti bila akak rajin atau ada story yg akak nk share, akak update la ye blog akak yg hambar ni. Hahaha. Assalamualaikum. Take care. 

Being a woman.

Assalamualaikum and hello there my dear reader if I have any. Kehkeh. Apa kabar semua? Sihat tak ni? Saya sihat je alhamdulillah. Hihihihi. Saya harap pembaca2 blog saya pun sihat2 belaka. Kahkah.

So I've been thinking about myself lately. What I mean was, I'm a girl, a woman, a future wife and mum (lambat lagi k. Jgn risau) and most importantly, a true muslimah. So, I've been thinking about what does being a woman feels like? What a woman usually feels, react, and whatsoever. So, here are some of my observation. 

As a woman, you have to take care of yourself extra more careful than a man. This is because, wanita ni terlalu banyak batasannya dalam hidup. A woman need to lower her gaze most of the time. Maybe it sound like so mengongkong, but trust me. It is not. It is for your own good jugak. At least your maruah terjaga. Maruah sesebuah keluarga selalunya terletak pada bahu seorang wanita. And of course la the parents but if their daughter buat perangai, maruah keluarga pasti tercalar kan? Unlike a man, people don't really care what they do. They can survive in any condition. Boleh jaga diri. But woman, kami ni rapuh sikit. Walaupun ada sesetengah perempuan di luar sana cakap yg they can live without a man, they're wrong. Mesti sampai satu masa, they will say to themselves that they do need a man. A man need a woman too obviously. Hihihihi....

A woman need a man because fitrahnya mmg begitu. Cuba bayangkan hidup tanpa lelaki. Mesti sunyi. Takde orang nk berborak, bergosip, jadi tempat meluahkan perasaan, tempat nk bermanja, jadi bantal wanita. Lelaki yang saya maksudkam adalah suami dan ayah k. Bukan boypren. Boypren tu belum tentu lagi jodoh awak. From my knowledge reading some novel (obviously novel cinta) apabila seorang lelaki tu berjaya, di belakangnya mesti ada seorang wanita yang hebat. Hebat yang dimaksudkan is a wife yang senantiasa menyokong suaminya dan membantu suaminya dalam kesusahan. Ye la. Just imagine, if no one give you support if you want to do something, bolehkah kita berjaya? Kalau tiada kasih sayang yang dicurahkan, boleh berjaya? Kalau kejayaan diraih dgn perasaan benci, can we succeed? Tak kan? Mungkin boleh la but you will definately feels there's a hole in your life. Rasa macam hidup ni masih tak lengkap. Kalau awak ada harta sebanyak mana sekalipun, kalau xde a wife that truly loves you, hidup tak bermakna. 

Once a woman dah serahkan hatinya to a man, which mean she's going to marry a man, it means that she is giving you her entire life to the man. Her purpose in life now is not about her ownself anymore. It is now about her new family. Things about herself dah tolak tepi. Kebahagian diri dia is nothing. Kebahagian orang sekelilingnya lebih penting. Andai org sekeliling dia gembira tapi dia terluka, she doesn't care. Biar le luka tu dia simpan dalam. 

Dia akan pastikan segala kelengkapan suami terjaga. Dia akan bersolek and dressup if that is what her husband want though she hates those kind of thing. As long as her husband loves her. That is all that matter. Unless, suami suruh buat perkara yang melanggar syariat Islam. Itu gila namanya. But I'm sure there's some woman out there yang still ikut walaupun dia tau benda tu salah. Ye la. Hati perempuan ni fragile. Kerana kasihan dan kasihnya, dia buat aja. But eventually, dia yang menyesal.  

Next, bila dh bergelar isteri, the next titles surely as a mum. Once a woman jadi ibu, her entire life changes again. Daripada only about her husband, sekarang dh bertukar. Her husband is still the first person that she needs to take care of. Tapi sekarang dh bertambah ahli, her children pulak. Kalau dulu she only thinks about what her husband want, now she need to think about apa yang suami dan anak2 nak. Apa yg anak nak, diikutkan. She's willing to sacrifics her entire life just for the happiness of the person she love. Her happiness lies on the happiness of the person she love. Terluka, itu perkara biasa. They will only kept it deep inside her heart, where nobody can see it. Hiding the pain is now a skill for her.

A woman love is truly amazing. I'm proud to be a woman. Man may have the love but it is difference from a woman love. A woman is someone who express her feeling physically, verbally, emotionly and spiritually while man usually don't really express their love verbally but the show it through action. That is what make a woman unique and great. Once a woman love you, she will always love you, through thick and thin. Only bitches dump a man's love easily, unless the man is a bitch too ;) 

Diri ini

Aku hanyalah hamba-Nya

Hamba-Nya yang tidak sempurna

Hamba-Nya yang tidak pernah lekang daripada melakukan kesalahan

Yang senantiasa ada sesuatu yang hilang dari hidupnya.

Aku bersyukur

Penciptaku masih memberikanku kesempatan

Untuk mengakui kesilapan, bertaubat pada-Nya

Walaupun diri ini sering melakukan khilaf yang sama.

Andai sudah tiba masanya

Untuk aku meninggalkan dunia ini

Untuk bertemu Pencipta yang Abadi

Aku redha

Sesungguhnya Dia Yang Maha Mengetahui.

Andai aku masih diberikan kesempatan,

Untuk merasai kenikmatan sebuah perkahwinan,

Aku memohon

Agar dipertemukan dengan seorang lelaki

Untuk membimbingku ke jalan yang diredhai oleh-Mu.

Diri ini tidak sempurna

Jadi pertemukanlah aku Ya Allah

Dengan lelaki yang dapat menyempurnakan hidupku

Dan kami saling melengkapi kehidupan di dunia

Agar di akhirat kelak

Kami akan merasai nikmat syurga nan indah

Bersama

Tidak banyak yang aku pinta

Dalam diri bakal imamku

Cukuplah dapat membimbing keluarganya

Ke jalan yang diredhai Allah

Cukuplah dapat menjadi Imam solat

Mengingatkan kami melakukan kebaikan 

Dan menghindari diri ini dari melakukan maksiat.

Cukuplah dapat menjadi bapa kepada anak-anakku

Yakni bakal2 khalifah bumi

Untuk menjadi anak-anak yang soleh

Dan hamba-Nya yang bertaqwa

Andai engkau sedang membaca luahan hati ini

Ketahuilah sesungguhnya diri ini tidak sempurna

Aku sedar engkau juga bukanlah insan yang sempurna

Aku akan cuba sedaya upaya ku

Untuk membantu engkau

Membina sebuah keluarga yang sakinah

Agar di akhirat kelak

Kita dapat mengecapi kenikmatan surga

Yang telah Allah janjikan

Buat hamba-Nya yang bertaqwa.

Akan ku cuba sedaya upayaku

Untuk menjadi isteri yang solehah

Ibu yang akan menyayangi anak-anakmu

Dengan sepenuh hatiku

Akanku berikan didikan Islam yang sebenar

Untuk menjadi bekalan

Buat diri kita

Di Alam Barzakh seperti dijanjikan Allah.

Ketahuilah bakal Imamku

Aku akan menyayangi dirimu

Sepertimana aku menyayangi Allah dan Rasul-Nya

Serta kedua-dua ibu bapaku

Aku akan menjadi isteri yang setia

Menanti dirimu andai kau terpaksa meninggalku

Untuk satu tempoh masa yang lama.

Itulah serba sedikit janjiku.

Andai aku berdusta

Allah lebih mengetahui.